I had my annual review at work today. It was my first with my current employer. Of course all is good, as I’ve done good work and I know that. But its also a time to think about what I want. I used to know more about what I wanted. But now I find that I know less and less about what I want.
When I was younger, all I wanted to do was grow up. I wanted the job and responsibilities and money. Now I find that maybe what I want is to be a kid. I want the freedom to do my own thing without a clock to worry about. I don’t even really care about the money or things, as I have more than enough.
I know its really a better blend that I want / need. At least for now. I do still very much like to be busy and have a reason to get up. But I also want more control over how I spend my time. And while I am learning the value in personal growth, I also want to be able to say no at least sometimes.
I like having more opportunities to travel and have new experiences. But my favorite times lately are when I’m just hanging out with friends. We sing songs and laugh, and take off our shoes and run through the grass. And love on our dogs. And drink good wine and eat good food. And look at the stars.
So today I’m happy with a good review. I’m in a good place and I’m doing good work. And I’m learning a lot about myself. But I’m also glad I’m making time to enjoy life. And I’m grateful for my wife and friends and family. And I know that the answers that work today may not work tomorrow.
The Spiritual Atheist 