Finding My Joy and Courage

What brings me joy? And what / who am I allowing to steal my joy? I yearn to learn new things, contribute to a purpose, feel like I belong, and to experience awe. These are what brings me joy!

I love to learn! I enjoy intellectual challenges and get frustrated and bored when not learning something new. That is straight out of one of the INTJ descriptions – and it very much applies to me! This was lacking after many years at my last job. I changed jobs last year and restored much joy at that time. Now I find that I am again not learning as much as I hoped. Don’t get me wrong – there is still stuff to learn, but I’m doing more busy-work than being challenged.

I long to contribute! Maybe its related to my aphantasia, but I have difficulty imagining goals of my own. I managed to have stumbled into some in the past, so it is doable – but it is easier to have them given to me. I am a problem solver, and thus I need a problem that I can solve. I found new problems to solve when I changed jobs, but the biggest problems have been mostly solved now. There are certainly more left, but I find the culture is not open to problem solving.

I desire to belong! I may be an introvert, and an HSP, but I still want to have connections with people! I became isolated at my last job over the years, so once again I hoped that would change when I switched jobs. Now I am on two teams, but one team is completely dsyfunctional, and the other is not really working for me either. Some of that is due to one particular new person who is very toxic and stealing everyone’s joy! But the reality is I don’t feel like I belong.

I seek to experience! This is the one area that I have continued to find joy! But by definition it is also the most transitory, as you can’t live on just new experiences. Its the other aspects that must sustain my joy in the routine of everyday life. And I am increasingly realizing that those things for me are best found in a good job. And my current one is no longer delivering – it is even actively stealing that joy! I need to learn, contribute, and belong!

I have learned a lot about myself with this job. That is very true, and I am very grateful for that. It is that realization that has kept me striving to make it work for as long as I have. I don’t want to be a quitter when things get tough. But sometimes it is just time to move on. As the “WarBonnet” card said, I have earned the right to learn the next set of life’s mysteries. It is time to advance! Wisdom says it is time for courage to change the things that I can change!

Life is a journey! We each need what brings us our own unique joy to sustain us along the way. I have identified what I need and realized it is time for that next step. There will always be more steps!


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